Top 5 reasons why I did not attend the celebrations of the wedding of the century.
- Who sends an e-card only? I mean, the generation where I belong, we want a personal invitation. And by that I don’t mean the 7 lakh, 7 kilo card, I mean a call from the मलिका-ए-जश्न or मालिक-ए-जियो. You can invite all these celebrities but did not call the most important ones- आपका परिवार – like me, and the 1.45 billion others (minus the 1000 odd celebs), and of course you missed Biden too (#bullet), or maybe he plain forgot. Coming from there to here is a bit of a long journey and he cant take a risk at his age. I am sure you invited Trump but he had an ear-in problem, I hear.
- It was too long -cruises and pre wedding and haldi – I don’t have four months spare on my calendar to dedicate to this bash, I only took two weeks off at my own son’s wedding, I can’t afford 4 months (and can’t maintain my hairstyle for so many days) . Oh now I get, that is why only those people were invited who do not have to go to the office every day. Fine, you will give a couple of crores in return gifts (#showoff), but what about the cost of all the attires and accessories I would need. Maybe if you had given the gift earlier, I could have traded it and got some goldware to wear. And you missed the best location for the wedding- the moon, imagine the wedding in the earthlight..
- The frog oops the prince – well, I do understand why he wants to save elephants (#kinship), but why he didn’t want to save his childhood friend from himself. Like someone remarked – ये कुछ कर तो पाएगा नहीं, फिर क्यों? What a waste of the beauty – I have always heard love is blind, but un-love is rich too. From a net worth of 10 crore to a wedding that cost almost 600 times that, lie in the bed of gold and eat only diamonds and sapphires man.. Or maybe it was – पापा पापा, बहन की शादी 100M में, मेरी भी शादी करनी है, और उससे डबल, नहीं 6 गुना खर्चा होना चाहिए ; कौन तुमसे शादी करेगा बबुआ? वो हैं ना; बोल राधिका बोल संगम होगा की नहीं .
- Mumbai weather, torrential rains and who gets married in such horrible weather? my dresses would have been spoiled yaar, maybe Antilla has air conditioning but an auto rickshaw doesn’t. And on top of that I don’t like their home. क्या मतलब है, चींटी किला? The architect couldn’t even draw vertical straight lines. And they call that monstrosity a mansion? you build the 5th floor and then realize 6th needs a 100 sq ft more, the architect must have failed in his drawing class. I can draw better mansions. I have equally good reasons for london – it was too cold and for the cruise (will let you know as soon as I think of one – of course, wasn’t invited).
- Very little money spent on the event. People take loans to get their children married and this guy spends just 0.5%- so miserly. If he had spent about 5%, all of us could have had a feast, you know. All he needed was to swiggy the food and return gifts to every home, problem solved. I feel so taken for granted – no 15L, no return gift. But no, you don’t have that kind of money to spend on us, you would rather invite the जांघिया बनियान singer or the big booby Kimmy and the greatest actor of all times. Another problem was I could not decide what gift to give, like I can’t afford a villa or a yacht or a helicopter, it wouldn’t have looked nice if I gave a more traditional Ajanta wall clock right?
The whole thing is an atrocity. Yes, lot of artisans got work, multitude of vendors, there was the भंडारा, money circulating, good for economy and all that. But think about how we paupers feel. The pomp and show in a third world country that celebrates the most expensive wedding in the world, while the biggest slum in the world is right next door. Are we showcasing that India has arrived? What happened to the principles of simplicity. The trend this is setting is that of the bigger and fatter (literally so) celebrations, so many of us will get influenced and go from riches to rags in satisfying our kid’s demands. The pomp and flaunt and glittery glitterati, celebrities make the event, what happened to having friends and family and an intimate affair? Or maybe they are friends because of the social status. Ultimately they did because they can, and others will try to do, even when they can’t.
And can we stop seeing the photos now. Can someone tell the media It is done, over. Enough is enough. The world will anyway continue to call us crazy Asians for decades to come.
myhumerousbone 